Le Cafe Penseuse

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007

10:02 am - "I can't ask for you to offer the world thru your eyes"

lately lots of things have been changing... let me explain:

been involved in another musical which takes up most of my free time during the week (and adds mucho mileage to my beautiful mode) which is fine... got my first pair of tap shoes since i was in high school, they're way more fun than an ipod.

broke up with another alcoholic boyfriend. i seem to find either people with addictions or mental issues... i told a friend recently that if i want a decent man i need to marry a jew. they don't drink, they go to church (well, temple), they're good with money, and the weird hairstyle i can deal with. he's getting the help he's needed for a while now forcedly, but at least it's there... as long as he accepts it, that's the best thing. we don't speak, but for my own sanity lately. maybe someday...

moving out of my current situation. i can't stand her anymore. she's absolutely nuts (and a complete slob to top it off.) i don't want to live in filth and deceipt anymore, especially someone who gets offended when i don't call her my "best friend", then come to find out she's fucking around with my (now ex's) roommate. yeah, good times.

i've also been seeing a therapist and dealing with my own issues thru her and Al-Anon meetings. i'm getting a sponsor soon so i can start working on that as well, once the show is over (and i have time to sleep again.) i don't feel much better, but at least i'm making an effort. i'm also going to see someone about changing my medication, that should help.

my confidant and rock of strength lately is going in for bariatric surgery tomorrow. she's been very nervous and anticipating this surgery for quite some time, so i think it's more excitement than anything else. this surgery will save her life and she's been doing an amazing job of changing her lifestyle around for the past two years. all your thoughts and prayers (if that's your thing) for my friend samantha. without her, i would have gone insane by now and have been so much more lonely in these past few weeks. she has two beautiful boys, a sister and father that need her as well. i love them like they were my family.

so that's about it for me. still loving my job, but going back to school nights in the fall to work on getting my degree in secondary education. i am going to be a high school english teacher, hopefully emphasizing in literature. i'm very excited about finally figuring out what i want to do and have made huge steps in that direction. cross your fingers for me, at least once :)

hope all is well with all of you and take care of yourselves... tell the people you love how you feel about them as often as you can, you never know what will happen.

L'amour toujours

current mood:

contemplative

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

3:24 pm - i'm turning into a girl

i spend all too much money in the last week. wednesday i was in a bad mood, so went to the mall (gasp!) and bought mother's day gifts and spent too much money in bath & body works, where i got a product that made my face look like it was going to peel off... yeah, good times.

today i spend $100 on new shoes online. geez, this whole "having money" thing is weird. i could get used to it tho.

current mood:

impressed
current music: radio rules

Friday, April 6th, 2007

2:00 pm - lately

got finished with the celtic show with my father and other people in early march, it was a huge hassle. we threw the thing together in 2 1/2 weeks rather than months like last year, but still pulled it off... it was way too fun, especially with a dash of guinness...

also been helping alicia with her wedding plans. that's crazy, thank god it's not me! had her bachelorette party last weekend, it was good, clean rogers-and-hammersteins family fun since her sister who gets off on God planned it... and by planned, i mean made hotel reserves... that's it. the rest was impromtu... that was great. still got to eat at my fav restaurant for the first time in years, so that was worth the wait.

tons of my friends from high school are getting married in the next 6 months... thank goodness i bought a new dress, i'll look the same for each picture for each wedding, but it's cheaper that way.

still with jeff, it's a grand ol' time with that kid... sometimes it feels like summer camp that just doesn't end... we have our issues, but we work it out rather than argue or get upset, i really dig... and my mother calls him by name, not "what's his name"... my oldest brother asks about him every convo we have, and that's huge. the most important thing is that we're having a good time. nothing too serious quite yet...

been losing weight like crazy now that i started working out again and feel awesome. i wake up early, get to work on time (amazingly) and get lots done during the day, even after work. no more naps during my lunch hour or after work and in bed by 10... it's awesome and i feel so much better... the sunshine finally coming around helps that too...

still loving my new car... thought i'd throw that in...

my friends andy and andrea had their baby over a month ago, little Addison is a cutie, but a whiney kid... it's amazing how it's changed andrea, she's a surprisingly good mother, very patient. i can only wish to have that when i have kids... i can't wait to babysit, strangely...

been looking thru these old CD's that i haven't listened to since 2002 and it's kinda funny what i thought would be a good buy back then... or ones that i never listened to since they were free from record rep's and they're amazing, even tho the great bands never really made the scene... there's still time tho.

road trips alone kinda suck... being stuck in a car with my favorite brother for 2 days will rule. even if it's for a stupid reason, it'll be fun.

that's all for now i think...

L'amour toujours

PS content doesn't look too content... stupid lemons

current mood:

content

Sunday, February 11th, 2007

7:28 pm - quick update in bumsville

i've been sick since thursday with a wicked stomach flu. nothing likes to stay in me for very long, so visitors aren't welcome, beit food or otherwise.

my great aunt died at the ripe old age of 90-something. that's right, i have no clue how old she is, just know that she's really fricking old. that's how it goes in my family, either you: 1. die of heart disease at a frighteningly young age, or 2. you live forever and no one's surprised. she got very ill and passed away rather quickly, so it really hasn't set in. at least i get to go to IL and see my family this way.

i also got a phone call this morning from my mother telling me a friend of the family committed suicide last night. this will be the third suicide funeral i'll have attended in the past 7 years. not cool. i've let my feelings be shown about this many a time that it's selfish and i don't have much sympathy for the people who choose such an untimely demise. it seems like the best solution to a temporary problem (or in his case a permanent solution to a crappy life that he made for himself) and hurts the people around him more than solving anything. i have no sympathy for him and have to help deal with the aftermath, including his young child and ex-wife.

so i get a great week to follow of funerals, tears, and more sleepless nights, and not just from the illness i'm suffering. thank god for sedatives.

if i'm not myself for a while i pray that my friends and family will understand, considering the latter is dealing with the same thing. this. sucks.

current mood:

sick

Wednesday, January 24th, 2007

10:50 am - observations

something that's come to my attention lately... i've noticed that people are willing to admit to an ailment or disability, whatever it may be, only to use it as a crutch. they make excuses for anything and everything because they have a bum knee, or have ADD, or a hearing problem... but when it comes down to getting help, it being offered to them even (which is my job, to reach out to people with hearing difficulties and see what we can do to HELP them, not make them feel bad about their condition) they refuse.

i'm not sure i really understand this, considering i try to be as assertive and conscientious as possible.

an example: my best friend/roommate's ex had her house literally full of his things; furniture, books, clothes, a garage full of tools, etc. (there was a room in the basement i didn't even know was there and it was full of his things... i thought i was a pack rat) he had moved out last year march or april and his things had stayed there ever since. he claimed to have ADD and couldn't do anything about everything being there... in that time frame, i helped him create a filing system at his then job, which he got fired from... he was the manager/accountant....

an accountant... who teaches the subject at a college and couldn't make his own bloody filing system. yeah, i was thinking the same thing. he could also be my father and listens to my BS reprimands... egads.

he has always rubbed me the wrong way in some respects, but considering the lack of... well, consideration that he's always shown to everyone because it's convenient for him, that just pisses me off. he took advantage of my friend (in more ways than one) he's taken advantage of my sense of compassion, and i don't think it'll stop anytime soon. he's looking at marriage #3 soon.

yeah, that's a great idea. thank god he hasn't procreated.

my thoughts: if you have something to be done or an ailment that needs attention in any way, shape, or form, quit your whining and just DO IT.

i know i should take my own advice in some aspects, but i'm doing something about what i want in my life. i don't have to conform to whatever other people want me to do to make me happy, especially since i have people who love me the way i am and respect my decisions for my life. i love where i am and what i'm doing right now, so why complain.... granted there's always room for improvement.

my point: don't use stupid things as a crutch, just bite the bullet and do what is needed rather than what is easy.

L'amour toujours

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Monday, January 15th, 2007

1:20 pm - geez...

i gotta keep up with this journal thing... just haven't had the tenacity to write much as of late, not even in my real journal. not much to say i guess... better make a note, it's one of the rare times you'll ever see that!

it's finally snowing around here... winter finally came in mid-january. just means we'll be dealing with it until may or june. gotta love global warming and bad drivers.

my middle brother just moved to NC officially this weekend, so that means that i have no microwave. it seems to make the rounds in the family since it was my oldest brothers first, then he gave it to me and now the middle one has it.... just one more kid to go and it's complete!

i'm falling in love with acoustic guitar artists all over again, and i have to blame scene-stricken coffee houses for it. went to 2 shows in as many weeks and saw two great artists, julie floyd from chicago and emily white from TN perform, totally inspired me all over again. i'm really excited, especially since i have 3 blank books waiting to be filled and the ambition is finally come back. it's only been about 8 months, no biggie ;)

random thought: i don't find anything wrong with becoming complacent with where your life is even if it's not exactly what you planned. a year ago, i had a completely different idea of where i would be right now, but i think it's for the better. i love where i am right now, surrounded by friends who love me, a great job i like, and the money isn't bad either. i have time to do theatre extra-curriculars and have overdone it in 4 months, but getting right back into it shortly. i liked being able to sing closer to the best of my abilities for 4 months. i'd have to work at it again, but i'm sure it wouldn't be as difficult as it was in the fall.

something i do have a problem with is disliking where you are in life and being complacent with it. i have people that i care about that are/have been close to me that simply aren't happy with where they are, or just don't care about what's going on with their lives, and they're not doing anything about improving that. i can't say i pity them, but it's a pseudo-inspiration to me not to become that. i will always strive to do what makes me happy, even if it takes a while to get there.

i'll try to keep up here again. i have much to say.

L'amour toujours

current mood:

happy

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

2:10 pm - magical musical vrooming voting divorce

The musical is going rather well. we have just over 3 weeks to go and we've already got a good handle on things. there's mucho polishing that needs doing, but i'm happy with where we're at right now. the cast seems to get along really well. we've had a few minor injuries, including me getting run over by a wheelchair (don't ask) and someone falling and dislocating his shoulder. his was more major than mine, but my bruise speaks volumes.

i love my new car. it's been almost 2 months, but i still can't get over it. love. it. i don't care if i'm in debt up to my ears right now. i'm paying everything that needs to be paid and have a little spare, so i'm fine with that.

i'm happy/disappointed with the results of yesterday's primaries. i'm happy that the democrats finally get a chance to step up to the plate and show bush what we're made of. i'm not happy because the ban on civil unions/gay marriage went thru. it's not even about gay rights, kids! it's about your constitutional rights and your children's and their children's rights! i'm crossing my fingers that this is another silly prohibition amendment phase that we're going thru as a country. i'm waiting for the smack on the forehead and "d'oh!"

i think my boss is going thru a divorce since he's skimping out on working lately, including tests that i've set up, hence to make my monthly goal, and that's making me angry. i don't know how to tactfully say "hey asswipe, you may be dumpey and depressed, but stop fucking around and sell something so i can pay my bills!" something like that.

other than that things are swell. may be going to see the lion king with mum soon in appleton. that will be sweet, haven't seen the broadway version of it yet. so many things going on, so little time to appreciate the little things.

L'amour toujours

current mood:

cheerful
current music: the prodigy

Wednesday, October 11th, 2006

8:28 pm - update way overdue

life's been good and busy! here's a brief breakdown:

1. just got finished with a production of Annie at one of my old theatre companies... the director didn't even remember me at first, but it all paid off, because...

2. am a principal in the following production of Beauty and the Beast. it premieres at the beginning of december, and we're supposed to be off book completely in less than a month. can anyone say GAH?! i can. i'm babette, the french maid/feather duster... and have to flirt with a man who a. could be my father, and b. have known/worked with in productions since i was 6. this will be odd.

3. bought a new car since maxine died. RIP baby, but i have a new car, named Velma (aka 2002 honda accord) she goes vrrrooom. i love being in debt.

4. been ill, then better, then kindof ill again. thank god i quit smoking, now just the whole sleep thing... that would rule.

5. with someone new, he's great. makes me smile, he's a geek, it works.

6. i still dislike country music, but it's growing on me. you can't find harmonies like that in rock, now can you?

7. going to rome next october with my parents. i can't wait, we may even perform for the pope... i kid thee not.

8. oh yeah, i moved at the beginning of august... i love my new situation... i'm a cat lady, it's official. but i'm 6 minutes from work with a car that goes fast and take naps during my lunch hour. it's so choice, i highly recommend it if you have the means.

i think that's about it... i hope all is well and i miss you kids, especially mark! where's my postcards, i still have them on my fridge!

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

cheerful
current music: nothing i'd admit to

Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

8:24 pm

wow... 4 day weekends tend to go really fast... except today, which i could've lived without, but it's just one of those i guess... let's recap:

went to summerfest friday night and met friends from random and sheb. there, also ryan from kenosha (you so knew you were going to come if you wanted to or not, sucker) and had a great time at the cowboy mouth show... sara has pics of the show, and of me eating my red spoon... and no, i wasn't that drunk, i was just having a good time for the first time in a while...

saturday was anne's birthday, so we hung out at the usual watering hole and sang mucho kareoke, i got dropped by jeff and flung around like a midget at the county fair by pretty much everyone else... sorry for getting a little emotional about things, guys, but a girl could never ask for better friends, really... thank you to everyone and your kindness....

Sunday slept in and drove to GB to hang with my sweetie and did pretty much nothing, which was really nice. he's house/puppy sitting for a dog that REALLY likes girls, aka shoving his snout into my crotch and jumping on me every 2 seconds... and he was a big puppy *said in stupid voice* but a sweetie... also met with the accompanist (did i spell that right?) for andy's wedding FINALLY and figured things out... also got sheet music to a favourite song of mine, arrangement by michael buble aka my aural boyfriend *drools* it's called That's All. one of my fav 40's tunes, just hope the key is right for me, right girls?

went to my father's concert in elkhart lake for the municipal band monday night and saw a bunch of old friends and found out i get to go to the ever elusive game of spooner flag on the 22ed since andy's wedding is the day before... i may be hung over, but at least it'll be worth it! i never got invited to a spooner flag game in high school, so i'm a virgin at it, but i don't care, it'll kick ass to see pat and everyone again

PS spooner flag is a psychocrazy version of capture the flag that i've never really understood, but i'm sure camoflauge and paintballs are involved.. and pain, lots of pain...

Anne and i watched the princess bride the other night and were saying lines the whole time... oh yeah, we rule.

I got immensely sunburnt yesterday being outside the majority of the afternoon. and i was wearing sunscreen. yeah, i'm white, but now i'm partially red! and the weirdest thing is, it's only on my back, feet, and back of my calves. yeah, i rule. it was well worth it, like looking for the "second sandbar" in the lake with snicks and finch (aka swimming way far out and finding out exactly how not in shape i am and regretting running those 2 miles that morning), screaming obscenities on the air since ron was too drunk to care, burying jeff in the sand and giving him boobs bigger than i have, etc. IT LOOKS LIKE A CHANDALIER! WOOO! *shut up, idiot* WHAT?! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

here's some proof:

from the left: snicks, finch, crystal, me and jeff

DD molesting me and my beer

in the process of giving jeff sand boobs....

me and snicks molesting the boobs we perfected...

see that one? *points to jeff* that one's classy.

i needed a weekend like that, really. now where's my backrub, bitch?

L'amour toujours
~Eileen

PS got super cute clothes at old navy this weekend since i deserve something new, including shoes and a skirt... and only 2 of these are black, the rest are not... egads.

current mood:

crushed

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

1:33 pm - road rage

this is my weekend by miles driven... try to keep track:

THURSDAY:
drove from shevegas to madison to meet my oldest brother and stay overnight before the following day of highway hell. at least i didn't have to drive my POS car that's falling apart... it's official now, dumping $500 into it the past month alone... egads.

MILES DRIVEN: 121 miles in less than 2 hours... didn't even speed that much... ha!

FRIDAY:
left at 7 am for the UP to get gramma.... got there around 1.30 (2.30 her time since they're retarded and decided to be in a different time zone) and got back to madison about 8 pm with only two stops in between.... plus stopping to pick up gram, since she's a bit old to jump in on the run... THEN she and i drove back from madison to the rent's house, arriving at about 10 pm... that's 15 hours in a car, kids

MILES DRIVEN: 310 one way, but granted my brother got lost a few times (he's easily distracted while driving, so you even say something and he looses focus, which was so comforting to know) so let's just say 320 for shits and giggles... so:

640 madison to michigan and back,
121 back home, that makes:
761 total... just an estimate, of course

SATURDAY:
the reason we went to get gram was for my uncle's 60th birthday party in franklin (milwaukee, kids) and me being hung over from hanging out with friends the night before waaay later than anticipated (but it was a good time, besides a man twice my age (and then some) grabbing my ass... yay.) but hung out with fam and had a great time... laughed so hard i thought my abs were gonna bust loose...

MILES DRIVEN: 70 one way, that makes 140 for the day...

SUNDAY:
recovered, but ended up babysitting for gram since mum n da went to madison to help other brothers move... at least i didn't have to spend more time in a car, otherwise i'd... umm.. do something... drastic.... or not.

TOTAL MILES DRIVEN: 1022, and that's just a rough estimate kids.

i never want to be in an SUV ever again.

hope your weekends were more eventful than mine, or at least more entertaining.... i get to hang out with my senile gram some more. yeah.

L'amour toujours mes anges
~LP

current mood:

good
current music: radio goodness

Sunday, June 18th, 2006

9:46 pm - Not on my itinerary for the day: death

there was a major storm warning and we were basically on the lookout for tornadoes earlier today.... if my boss/eleventy BILLION other people wouldn't have called me, i really wouldn't have known the difference... besides the siren going off right after that... so yes, death was not on my itinerary for the day... i'm too busy to die, thank you come again...

had an alcohol-free weekend with the sweetie, and it was more difficult than i thought... it was also rather eye-opening since people my age only hang out in bars or something involving alcohol, and that's really sad... at one point i thought to myself "so, what did we do pre-alcohol?" and i really couldn't think of anything, but in retrospect, here's a short list:

1. NOT smoke and be able to breathe when you woke up in the AM
2. naptimes are the best times
3. movies and lots of laughter
4. card games and inside jokes
5. walks outside and mucho sunburn to prove it
6. rollerskating and other embarassing activities

i could think of more, but i'm "working"... thats right, i'm still stuck in hell once in a while, but it pays for my insurance (that i'm not using for some unknown reason) until the new stuff kicks in, so i guess it's sortof worth it... all the craziness/almost tradgedies happen when i'm here regardless, so maybe it would just be better for all of us if i just give them the ol' middle finger and walk out... any thoughts?

also got a phone call from my pattie melt, whom i haven't spoken to since a brief convo in decemberish when he was home on leave from the army (he's based near new orleans right now and being deployed overseas sometime before the year is out methinks) and invited anyone and everyone to the infamous Spooner Flag, which i heard stories, but never got to participate... but the shitty thing is it's the same weekend as a wedding i'm singing for in GB... i have no clue what i wanna do, but i'll figure something out.... i just know i have to see this kid before he's thrown into the armpit of hell for a year or two...

friends are a touchy subject. you say one thing to someone, it gets misinterpreted and relayed to someone and then shit hits the fan and that makes eileen's pissy. so do bank mistakes that make her rent check bounce. and so does my mother, who's way more emotional than i would ever admit to also being, but you gotta love her since it's your mum.

go bosox bitches... and USA with the soccer thingy in germany n stuff (haha)

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

contemplative

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Friday, June 9th, 2006

8:23 am - Answers

Here's the answers to the "game":

1. i got my first cell phone when i was 21.

This is true, I didn't get a phone to call my own until I was 21 years old (well, almost 21, same friggin deal) also the same summer i got my first car...

2. i'm related (distantly) to george washington carver.

george washington carver is the inventor of peanut butter... and black... so good try, but this is false.. way to go, ND!

3. I studied Shakespeare with professional actors as a 9 year old.

This is the reason i had no friends as a kid... I was in a professional acting school in milwaukee, WI for a semester and a summer (earned 2 college credits as a 9 year old) and got my first taste of shakespeare... I was peter quince in a midsummer night's dream, henceforth my favourite shakespearian work

4. I've hung outside a moving car going over 40 mph... in february...

we had a conversation and everything... "who's driving this thing?" "i don't know, but he's sure a moron" i swear i couldn't feel my ears for hours afterwards... gotta love growing up in the country and being amused by the simple things in life...

TGIF since i'm tired as hell, and supposedly going out tonight (again) with some friends for a bit... i just gotta work on not smoking at all and i'm golden...

i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it.

L'amour toujours
~LP

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

tired
current music: bob and tom show

Friday, June 2nd, 2006

4:01 pm - which one's the lie?

here's the scoop: I'm listing four statements, only ONE is false... you have to determine which ones are true and which one is false,

...and go:

1. i got my first cell phone when i was 21.

2. i'm related (distantly) to george washington carver.

3. I studied Shakespeare with professional actors as a 9 year old.

4. I've hung outside a moving car going over 40 mph... in february...

go for it, kids... you'll find out the truth soon enough.

L'amour toujours
~LP

PS GO BO SOX!

current mood:

drained
current music: radio, which i hope to be working for more soon

Wednesday, May 31st, 2006

7:50 pm - baseball rules, basketball drools

watching like 4 games at the same time; two stricktly for comedy relief (brewers and yankees, only because i dislike them both and brewers are being pumelled AGAIN by the second worst team in the league... and i've gotta stop) but the new kid pitching for the bosox is doing alright for his first game in the major league... and he's my age, way to go...

have i mentioned how much i miss cable for sports center? if not for comedy relief, for pure entertainment.... *sigh*

had a crazy weekend... my liver will never be the same... apparently i'm supposed to go out again tomorrow, but i doubt that'll happen after i dropped $260 into my car when i thought it would be half that... *shrugs* that's how it goes i guess....

i just realized i only have 1 1/2 months to get into decent shape for two weddings this summer... actually, there's another one in august somewhere, but that's besides the point... i got a glimpse of myself this AM and practically ran out the door to the gym that second, but clothes are always a good idea, and it was too late to do that and make it to work on time...

i hate being broke... i hate being lonely... i hate feeling insufficient and like an embarassment to my friends sometimes and just off lately... i don't want it to result in medication, but at this point i may not have a choice... i don't like missing someone almost constantly... i don't like feeling antisocial (which is apparently not possible, but trust me, it happens) and i hate feeling like i'm being a total whiney bitch... or just bitch in general.... the worst thing is i'm not sure what i can do to change much of this anytime soon...

anyhoo, more baseball, less girlie emotion.... yarg.

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

crappy
current music: baseball commentary

Wednesday, May 24th, 2006

11:03 pm - ...and sorry about the nachos

here's the scoop:

both my baseball teams lost... and worse, to the yankees (damn you randy johnson! *ala charelton heston from soylent green*) and marlins... gah.

STILL waiting for my laundry to get done when i had 3 loads and only started 3 1/2 hours ago... gee whiz....*insert sarcastic eye roll here*

lost is the most frustrating show on television... you think you finally get a handle on things, then they throw you a HUGE loop, and you're back where you started...... damn, you're good....

my fingertips are peeling again... i'll blame it on being girlie again with long nails that are "brassy" by definition...

only 3 more nights... you know what i'm talkin about...

it's gonna be in the upper 80's for memorial day... what would a parade be if it weren't stifling outside?! i remember my high school days, wearing woolen 5-layer uniforms (black pants that came up to my bra line, i kid thee not, and white jackets that you couldn't move in much less breathe) and played bass drums (for 3 years) an snare (for 1), but both between 25-40 pounds each... yeah, that's right, i'm a band geek and proud of it.... you wanna piece of this bass drum? i thought not, henry could kick yer ass!

anyhoo, tomorrow's gonna suck... and it's only thursday... that's my daily dose of optimism... right in the kisser.....

L'amour toujours and sorry about the nachos
~LP

ps anyone give two shits about american idol? certainly not me... just glad that stupid chick didn't win, altho the dude that vaguely resembles my great uncle ernest does give me the creeps...

current mood:

crushed

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006

10:17 pm - i need to get a life...

just a note to myself that hanging out with persistently drunk guys from the radio station and always being the 1. sober, 2. responsible, and 3. probably the funniest one around, isn't that amusing after a while... and causes many sleepy days and sleepless nights...

i'm so excited to check out a park i haven't been to since i was in middle school... it's a nature-walk-esque place with some obsticle course-type thingys in there... i can recall not being able to do some of them, then again i probably am still incapiable of doing that... damn lack of upperbody strength...

still doing part time at the hotel... the rolling stones had it right, since my boss is singing away "you can't always get what you want" and you know how good it was once it's gone... i think if i stick around for a little while i'll totally get a raise... not that selling my soul is really worth $9/hour, but it's worth a shot...

my kitty is slowly, yet surely getting to be a little more cuddly... now instead of having to kick him out after 2 minutes when i'm trying to get to sleep, he's okay for about 30 minutes, then i have to kick him out... the whole eating-my-hair-while-sleeping gig isn't really my bag...

i get made fun of at my new job for: 1. my age, 2. talking too fast, 3. lame sense of humor, 4. my beatnik lingo, 5. hating SUV's, and 6. wanting a toyota hybrid...

my new boss: "how can you live without sports center?"
me: "i'm not sure, but it's possible."

L'amour toujours mes anges

current mood:

calm
current music: radio edit

Thursday, May 18th, 2006

8:26 am - i'm sneaky

i'm at my new gig, no one else is here but me and ozzy on the radio, so i figured why not...

the one friggin day i don't check to make sure my phone is on me before i leave the house, i completely forgot it... i may just jet down to my place during my lunch hour and get it, plus free eats and yoga kitty attacks (really weird story, i'll have to try to muster up some pics while my kitty contorts into strange positions that look strangely comfortable)...

the apocalypse came and went.... twice... yesterday.... we've been subjected to almost 2 straight weeks of rain here and everyone's getting really cranky because of it... it really sucks trying to be sweet and prompt over the phone when everyother person you speak to is really cranky and hangs up.... that's how the last two days have gone... but back to the end of all things coming to she-vegas...

this happened in a 5 minute span at 10 AM yesterday - i look out the window, everything is sun-shiney and happy... look out a minute later, it's starting to get dark and gloomy... 2 minutes later, look again and it's raining really hard and almost dusk-dark... another minute goes by, it's hailing, thunder and lightning, and there's a lake in place of the parking lot out front... 20 minutes later, it's done...

similar thing happened around 2 PM as well... so Someone decided that we should be smote (is that even a word?!) then changed their mind... God must be PMSing as well...

i have to go shopping tonight for something to wear to a wedding reception for my friend's baby sister on saturday and have no money, so goodwill it is... hopefully i can find something that's not 1. poofy and reminicent of someone's prom night in 1983 2. something the kids threw away after gramma died in it, 3. reeks of trailer park, or 4. is in worse condition than some dishrags i've seen....

cross your fingers for me.... i wish i was a housecat where all i had to worry about was being cute and getting fed on a daily basis and what position to sleep in for 18 hours everyday.... maybe if i'm good enough in this life i'll get lucky in the next...

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

okay
current music: bob & tom show on the radio

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Sunday, May 14th, 2006

5:07 pm - im alive, and here's proof

so i've gotten thru my first full week at the new gig and i'm loving it. had a meeting the very first day in GB and met a bunch of people that do the same job that i do, and they're so. damn. nice. i even get along with other practicioners in different offices, i get along with my bosses, and my first thought? there has to be a catch...

there isn't yet, but i'm super excited since i'm pretty sure i'll already make my quota for the month, hence get a bonus just for doing my job... i even got a few phone calls on wednesday from other people i had met and they welcomed me again and saw i was already doing a great job (we can see everyone's calenders). it's awesome, i'm really enjoying it....

it's mum's day, and i went to church (wasn't that bad, for real) and brunch with her... been hanging out watching LOTR (her idea, not mine... altho my geek is hanging out...) so it's been kindof uneventful, but really nice and relaxing....

have yet to see samantha today, and didn't see her yesterday, but she's out of the ICU...

okay, long story short, my friend Sam was in the hospital a few months ago with breathing problems and she hasn't done much to change her lifestyle to get better and she got thrown back in there after a week in florida with severe pneumonia to the point where she was sedated all last week and intubated so she could breathe at all... but she's better now...

i have to clean my place for the first time all week... it's kinda bad... and play with my kitten, since he kinda rules.... been super stressed out because of the new gig, worrying about samantha, financial situation, and other things.... i need a hug.

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

melancholy

Sunday, May 7th, 2006

11:46 pm - damn musicals stuck in my head...

had the best weekend i've had in a long time... got to see my boy and go gallivanting about in door county, which i've never done... i'm so glad we have similar interests and get along so well (the majority of the time... we all have our moments)... went about in different state parks just enjoying nature budding everywhere and furry little critters running amok (amokamokamok) and just chilling out... i really needed that...

i still have all the music from wicked stuck in my head, and i've been listening to the soundtrack for the last 2 weeks... i got caught humming different tunes multiple times this weekend. i can't help it, they're so catchy... that and the lyrics are so vocabularily (i made up a word) advanced compared to other musicals out there, it's fantastic... where else can you find a show that has lyrics including words like vicariously, surreptitiously, ambiguities, etc... it's a lesson in english and entertainment all at the same time!

"A man's called a traitor - or liberator
A rich man's a thief - or philanthropist
Is one a crusader - or ruthless invader?
It's all in which label is able to persist
There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities
So we act as though they don't exist"

~words of wisdom from the song Wonderful

i've been super stressed out lately and my face is proof of that... start my new gig full-time officially tomorrow morning, meeting and all. i really like my new manager, altho she's super perky all the time, but i remember a time when that was me. makes me realize i've become a lot more placid and calm as i get older, which is definitely a change. don't get me wrong, my jovial sensibility is still there when need be, but in general i've calmed down quite a bit from my high school days.

reading ND's journal, i've been thinking alot about how there are animals inside each of us and contemplating what kind of animal i am/was in the past... i'd like to think that if that's true, i was a cat in ancient egyptian times, where no one could claim to own me, and i was friendly enough when i wanted to, but also enjoyed my away time. i'd come and go as i pleased and be plenty affectionate when the mood struck me or the person was receptive enough... it's just something nice to think about...

i'm really nervous about this new gig... well, maybe not nervous so much as indecisive. if i really do like it, then i'll be stuck in this town another year (at least) before i'd get the balls enough to see if i could transfer to go back to school and finally get my degree and put on the grown up pants and just get it done... if i don't like it, i'm so screwed financially i don't know what i would do, but then i would have the opportunity to go back to school and move away for a while and get started on the tentative life plan i've had for years. i'm still california dreaming and striving for the ultimate goal of studying special effects make up someday, altho that dream has been fading into reality where that's just not plausible. if things go the way i'd like, i'll be graduating with a degree in 3-4 years (egads!) and be 25/26ish, and i'm pretty sure that's on the aged end of starting the whole make up gig... it's sad that something i was really adamant about not so long ago is becoming just another daydream that people have about doing what they want in life... that and the hours would suck ass (doing other people's make up at 5 am until whenever they're done.... gah).

i guess i just have to go with the flow and see what happens... it's still something that'll eat at my mind daily, but i suppose that's not such a bad thing...

i still had a great weekend, and i hope it's not the last for a while... let's go on another adventure!

L'amour toujours
~LP

current mood:

calm
current music: wicked soundtrack, what else